Marriage

Guys, I went to a wedding on Saturday. And no offense to every other wedding I’ve been at, but this was the best. Like, it was the most beautiful wedding Mass ever. Like, it was better than mine.

Yes. I got more spiritually out of this wedding than I did my own.

(To be fair, I had Gather Us In as the opening song. Oh, the way we were.)

This was a Novus Ordo, Versus Populem Mass. Totally normal, totally in English. Nothing exceptional. Except- it was exceptional. It was so well said and reverent and joyful that the utterly unbelievably exceptional experience of transcendence that happens at EVERY MASS (even the ones with Gather Us In) was able to shine through in a way we don’t get to experience very often.

I was so proud of my cousin and his wife for doing it this way. I was so thankful to the priest for putting so much thought and effort into his homily and the way in which he moved through the Mass. I was so heartened in my vocation of Christian marriage that I wanted to have a baby.

Yeah, you read that right. A Mass was so beautiful and made me so happy to be in my position in life that I WANTED TO GET PREGNANT.

Buzz and I had been bickering most of the day. I was late getting up and selfish getting ready and cranky driving and just generally in a bad mood. He was in a bad mood too, and doing things that annoyed me and being annoying and we were just not at our best. Even in the church before Mass we were fighting. Not about anything big but I was being obnoxious and he was being annoying.

And then…this Mass. This Mass you guys. It was so gorgeous. The homily was so beautiful, all hinging on the sacred nature of the vocation of Christian marriage. How through Christian marriage we will save the world. And finally, the altar of sacrifice. How we take vows in front (or off to the side of- because again, GATHER US IN) of the altar of sacrifice because we are offering our marriage and ourselves to God through this vocation.

We don’t ever hear that. Marriage should just be funsies, all the time, right? I mean, weddings are just one big party! But they’re not. They’re the beginning of a life devoted entirely to each other and your family. You lay down your life for your spouse every day, and you do it joyfully because that is your vocation. Even when you’re feeling obnoxious. Even when they’re annoying.

And that? That is amazingly beautiful. And it made me look over at my husband and apologize to him because I was not being a selfless wife, I was being a cranky person who did not care about anyone except herself. And he apologized to me too. And then we went and drank and had a lovely night.

And as far as getting pregnant? Well, the homily was pretty awesome but unfortunately it did not remove the psychological and physical reasons to avoid right now. But I’m impressed with myself that I felt that way. Maybe soon.

Congratulations to Jack and Olivia, and thank you for sharing such a beautiful example of Christian marriage with all of us.

Stages of a Work Dinner

1.) Husband informs you he needs to stay late for a work dinner sometime next week.

2.) You agree automatically, probably because he could say something like, “Darling, I’m leaving you for someone without a front butt and taking the children,” during dinnertime and I’d be like. “Fine, whatever. Give Buddy some more toast, will you?”

3.) Stop and realize that you just agreed to more alone childcare. Ask husband where he’s going.

4.) He hems and haws and won’t look at you.

5.) “WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

6.) *tiny voice* “Really expensive restaurant…”

7.) What?

8.) *ahem* “Really expensive restaurant.”

9.) Oh, you mean the restaurant we could never afford to go to? That one. Fine. Fine. Have a good time. “WORKING.”

10.) Stew about that for a week or so, passive aggressively dropping it into every conversation involving food, drinks, work, or evening.

11.) Decide screw that, if you get dinner and cocktails with real adults I get to order delivery pizza and invite my sister over.

12.) Eat all the pizza.

13.) Tell husband he has to stay away long enough that you can get a couple of solitary Criminal Minds episodes in. Because if he’s missing bedtime he sure as hell isn’t going to also take away a quiet evening to yourself.

14.) Yell at children until they stay in their bedrooms.

15.) Begin drinking.

16.) Text husband repeatedly about what he’s drinking and eating and who he’s sitting next to and doesn’t he miss you?

17.) Husband stops responding. Probs too busy with his martini and raw oysters.

18.) Remember you don’t like raw oysters. Or oysters at all.

19.) Don’t care. Still mad.

20.) Get to a particularly creepy episode of Criminal Minds. Text husband and tell him he’d better call before he lets himself in or I might accidentally call the police because he’s obviously trying to kill me.

21.) Ask him what he’s eating now. Get mad about whatever the answer is.

22.) Eat some more pizza.

23.) Husband says he’s coming home.

24.) Alert the police to stop the perimeter around your house.

25.) Husband gets home.

26.) Bug him about the whole evening.

27.) He assures you nothing fun happened, it was a work dinner.

28.) Don’t believe him, because probably no one sat on his head or threw a piece of bread at him. Probably.

29.) He assures you he’d rather be home with you.

30.) Don’t believe him, but thank him anyways.

Marriage. It’s about compromise.

The Way We Were

Guys. I am informed by Facebook’s On This Day feature (which is where I get all my information like kids’ birthdays and my engagement and other crap I’ve lost track of) that six years ago Buzz and I had our second date, when he invited me over to watch Pirates of the Caribbean.

So many warm fuzzy memories of that day- I got to meet my daughter for real, and she handed me Big Baby and gave me a hug goodnight and Buzz sang her Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah and  I fell TOTALLY in love with her (and her father but I didn’t want to seem creepy.) Buzz had prepared lemon bars for us to snack on when we went downstairs to watch the movie after Squeaks was asleep. We had Maker’s Mark that he had made a “rum” label for to match the theme of the evening. He sat chastely on his side of the couch, but kept scootching over and then did the stretch and arm around the shoulder thing and I…sat there and did nothing because okay it wasn’t all fuzzy memories a lot of it was stomach churning nausea like when is he going to inquire about my I9 form? Am I a babysitter? Does he make lemon bars for a lot of women? Is the crying normal? WHAT IS THIS ARM THING I AM NOT EXPERIENCED AT THIS DATING AN ACTUAL ADULT MAN GAAAAHHHHH.

So yeah, we were mostly just confused that night. But still! We made an effort. I wore cute clothes (that were in a super cute size.) He baked for me and did the cute rum thing. Both of us had so much fun just sitting next to each other that we watched the whole first POTC movie. And…then the second one. Which sucked more than I remember. And the third one…which really sucked totally bad. And then I finally drove home at crack thirty in the morning happy and confused and just…happy.

We had a date night on the same night last week and things were…a little different.

First we only went out because we had a gift card. Sexy, am I right?

We argued about whether to get a reservation. I said no because we literally have never needed one before. He said yes to be safe. We had to wait twenty minutes. Score one for Buzz.

I wore my very nicest leggings. And shoes with toes and a heel. So that’s pretty enticing, am I right? Buzz put on cologne and changed his t-shirt. ROMANCE GUYS.

We had an awesome dinner where no one tried to impress the other with how little/healthy they ate, and instead we split mozzarella sticks and had burgers and it was glorious and very oniony.

We talked about work and the kids and how I’m excited about my writing future and how Squeaks wants to wear a scapular now. I asked him if he thought I was boring because I have literally nothing to talk about except other people’s excrement and how I write kind of funny things that my mom reads semi-regularly. He looked genuinely surprised and assured me that no, he finds me totally interesting and that my life is what he really cares about- it’s the kids, and me, and our family. That’s the important part.

That made me feel good.

We paid and headed home one drink and 55 minutes after we arrived. We thought about running some errands but we were too tired and the thought of going home to some free wine was more enticing.

Once at home, the grandparents were still around to play with the kids so I was able to take off my leggings and shoes and put on pajama pants. Ahhh. So much better. I had a ton of work to do organizing something for our parish, and he had some work to do…well, providing for us. So we sat on the couch and worked on our laptops on opposite ends. No one scootched. No one really felt the need to.

Slightly different than that day six years ago, Matt did not cuddle and coo and sing Squeaks to sleep. Instead we all yelled at each other (she started it) until she finally went to sleep. Ahhh.

I ate a cookie I found in the fridge from Mother’s Day. I offered one to Buzz, but he just said that horrible things were happening to him because of all the onions so he’d better not. I agreed, based on the smell.

The grandparents left and we continued with our work on the couch for a little bit. Then we said our daily rosary together, and watched an episode of Night Court before collapsing into bed.

That’s a lie. First I washed my face with super expensive old-lady soap. Then I lubed myself up with various moisturizers that are probably the same thing but whatever, they might be different for my neck skin vs my lip wrinkles. Buzz put in his mouth guard. I knocked out 50 pages of my book club book and he read his encyclopedia of oddities, occasionally commenting on one that was super interesting.

All of this was around 10 pm.

It was about as far from six years ago as you could get.

There was no impressing each other. There was no cutesy theme. No one baked for anyone else. We weren’t awkwardly trying to be close to one another. Buzz didn’t smell where my hair had rested on the back of the couch afterwards because he loved the way it smelled.

It was way, way better than that.

We aren’t unsure of each other anymore. We love each other and have yoked our entire lives and salvation to one another. We don’t need to pretend to be super crafty or baking or skinny or whatever. We’re just us. And we love each other.

We got to talk about our babies. We have babies (plural.) The fact of Buddy’s existence never ceases to amaze us and make us so thankful for each other. We had seven-year-old problems with our seven-year-old daughter. That’s awesome. She’s amazing and I’m so unbelievably lucky that I got to stick around after that day to raise her, not just think she was a pretty cute kid I met this one time. We talked about what we do to run our lives, and how wonderful (albeit pedestrian and boring) it is. We enjoyed a night to ourselves.

We worked side by side, just enjoying being with each other. We prayed together, something I never thought I’d do with my husband because it always seemed suuuuper lame, amiright? But now I can’t imagine my life without it. We relaxed and watched a stupid show that we both love and then fell asleep in our bed because we’re married and we have a life and a home together and that’s so much more exciting than first date jitters.

Romance is good. It’s wonderful. You need it in your relationship. It just sometimes looks different than it used to.



 

34´╗┐

Dear Matt,

Six years ago on Holy Thursday, I went out to dinner with my friends (okay, a bunch of priests and other committee members) after seeing you and Eva together for the first time at Mass. When I got home I went upstairs to say goodnight to my mom.

“Did you have fun?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I responded.

“Good. You need to marry that boy and help raise that little girl.” I was taken aback, because I’d thought exactly the same thing earlier than night, seeing you sit with our daughter at Mass. It was ridiculous. 

I scoffed. “Mommy, I don’t need a project.”

I didn’t. I was young, had a job I loved and was good at, and a career fairly firmly in front of me. I wasn’t (hadn’t ever really) dating anyone seriously, I was pretty sure I was never going to have kids because of my career, and I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look like.

I fell in love with you, and Eva. I decided that making a life with you was a project I definitely wanted. And my life looks absolutely nothing like I thought it would.

You are, without a doubt, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. 


You love me, even when I’m cranky. You love our children, even when they’re impossible. You love our marriage, even when it’s probably not the easiest or most glamorous thing ever.

(Like all the days in which I don’t get out of leggings.)

(Like all the days that end in y.)

You’ve given me a better life than skinny Kathleen could have imagined in 2011. You’ve given me not only my dream house, a completely amazing living, and the safety from student loan collectors, but you’ve given me my children.  My children. They are my very heart, and I wouldn’t have them without you. 


You’ve been here for me through everything. You held my hand (and my legs) while I had our baby. You held me afterwards when I sobbed and sobbed and just wanted life To be good again. You made sure I got better. 

You’ve given up everything for us. You make every effort to put my feelings and our union above everything else. You moved for me. You let me put your office in a closet. 

You are a good man. You are kind, and wonderful. Your devotion to the sacraments and the church makes me want to be a better woman. You are an example to our children in a way that so many children don’t get to have.

You lay down your life for us every day. I am so lucky that I get to spend another year doing the same for you.

Happy birthday, honey. I love you so much. Thank you for everything. 

Love, 

Kathleen 

Full Face using only Bare Minerals!

I’m a Bare Minerals girl. I’ve always been into makeup, but Bare Minerals is probably the first high end brand I got into and IT CHANGED ME. My mom gave me a little sampler kit for Christmas seven years ago and TAKE MY OFFSPRING I AM YOURS NOW BARE MINERALS!

I even wrote about it here. And guys. I had no idea what 2011 would have in store. 

I used their stuff exclusively for a bunch of years (including for my wedding) and while I have branched out, I still can’t pass up their products. I use a lot of the bareskin stuff now, but for this look I went old school.


Today I did a neutral light face and a gray smokey eye with my bare Minerals products.


First, moisturizer and prime. I use the BB skin primer and it’s amazing. Basically light coverage and a primer together. 

I use the correcting concealer in the little pot, so I like to pat it on before applying powder foundation. I use it under my eyes, andon any blemishes I can find. (Like that volcano on my chin.) 

Then I build coverage using a densely packed brush and the Orginal mineral foundation (I use the color light. Shocker.) 

Instead of using a setting powder, I go over the whole face with the Perfecting Veil. I don’t have a great contour product from them, so I stuck to blush (tropical  sunset) and highlighter (Ready Luminizer in That Magic Moment. 

Lips are a combo of Moxie lipstick in Be Brilliant and Be a Star 


My eyes are a fairly traditional look using the Nudes palette from a few years ago. I used Tranquil as the base, highlight; sonnet as the crease color; and priceless to deepen the outer v. 

Finally finished with my lashes- Flawless Definition mascara and my brows, which is cheating a little bit. For awhile they discontinued the powder brow product and so I found a perfect dupe on Amazon. It’s a super unknown brand and probably all chemicals that will kill me but it worked really well for me.

Four Years

Buzz and I have been married for four years today. This makes me feel a variety of things, like happy, and thankful, and old.

Happy because I am so, so glad that I met him and we fell in love and he gave me the best life ever and my beautiful children.

Thankful because I’ve been with him on a fourth anniversary┬ábefore, an anniversary that was devastating. And it made me realize that I have to be thankful for every single moment alive together that we get to experience our marriage. Because it can be gone so incredibly fast.

And old because geez, I’ve been married FOUR YEARS. That like one away from five. And that’s halfway to ten. And MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS? Might as well retire amiright?

Our wedding was wonderful. I was worried it wouldn’t be- I was worried somebody was going to pass out or flip out or Buzz would be too upset by having to go through the actual wedding party again and ugh, I just wanted it over with.

And then our rehearsal day happened and shit hit the fan big time. His mom was in the hospital, my mom was maybe having a blood clot problem, the priest who was officiating wasn’t there and the one who was told us to stand different places, my sister’s bank account had been hacked, Buzz’s car was broken, and the photographer had just called to tell us we couldn’t take pictures where we wanted because of an air show we didn’t know about.

Oh well. I was a pretty laid back bride, in that I didn’t care about much of anything except the Mass, so we just pushed through and once everybody was released from the hospital, it was a gorgeous, beautiful wedding day.

531032_10150988823050685_306936949_n

We did pictures before the ceremony, because we had an evening Mass. That was super cool and made the day just so much fun.

554572_10150988826000685_500384663_n

I got super into swinging.

555675_10150988836760685_21919579_n

This was totally normal and not at all awkward.

556627_10150988883235685_826622969_n

I did my own makeup- I told you, as long as they played the right Ave Maria, I was fine with anything.

523255_10150988890880685_1370698634_n

Buzz and I cared more about the Mass than anything else, and I love that we were so in line with each other on this. We knew what was important about the day to us and it was so special to share this. The party was cool. It was awesome and we had so much fun. But the Sacramental union and the graces we received that day continue to help us every single day in our marriage.

599307_10150988893275685_1952878408_n

Two former altar servers get married and yeah, there’s gonna be incense.

10437_10150988893915685_1105890526_n

One of the priests who witnessed our marriage was (is) a dear friend of mine. We were talking at the reception and he told me that he looked over at me after we said our vows and was bowled over because it hit him that I was a totally different person. God had fundamentally changed the person I was, and made me one with my husband. We were totally changed because of this sacrament. I thought that was one of the coolest things anyone said about our wedding.

418884_10150988895370685_1715801432_n

It was kind of funny because I thought the same thing watching his ordination, and while we don’t believe that it’s necessarily an ontological change like that which occurs when a man is ordained, the Holy Spirit truly works to to change you and your spouse and I love that it is so apparent spiritually.

556394_10150988899250685_292985737_n

The party was, of course, really fun too.
549693_10150988931380685_1287930704_n

 

294649_10150988935395685_811121987_n

So thank you, honey. Thank you for marrying me and taking on everything in my life and being so understanding when I need help taking on everything in yours. Thank you for building this life and this family with me. Thank you for helping me get to Heaven. Thank you for being you.

548194_10151046521180685_543502440_n

I love you and I’m so so thankful I sat next to you that day.

546583_10150988938825685_207993381_n