Buddy turns four next week, and my sister always makes this gorgeous photo book commemorating his year. I refuse to let her stop. I made her do it when she was seven months pregnant. I’m making her do it now that that pregnancy has turned into a honey badger who needs to be breastfed constantly. I’m sorry. They’re too good.
This year she interviewed him, and because she’s a reporter we have a transcript of it. Enjoy.
Aunt: How are you, Joey?
Buddy: I not feeling well.
A: Oh, you’re not?
B: I’m boring.
A: No, you’re not. You’re the most interesting little man I’ve ever met.
He was complaining of being bored. Along with not being able to entertain himself, he can’t figure out parts of speech.
A: Okay. Well, Joey, I have a couple of questions for you. Do you have a few minutes to talk?
A: Okay. These are very important questions, okay?
B: What the racecar say to the giraffe?
A: What did it say?
B: You chip your tooth?
(Laughter all around)
We are taking this very seriously.
A: Okay, Joey, I have a question for you. What is your favorite TV show?
A: What is your favorite food?
B: Um. Super Why cereal.
I KNOW I BLOGGED IT OKAY.
A: What is a food that you don’t like?
B: Apple sauce.
When was the last time I even tried to make you eat apple sauce, kid?
A: What do you wear that makes you feel the most stylish?
B: My suit.
I’ll say. He introduced himself to our new priest as “Stylish Joey.” That’s a great parenting moment right there.
A: What is your favorite movie to watch on Netflix?
A: Would that be the one with Mater?
B: Yeah. And Lightning Stack Aqueen.
B: (shouting) LIGHTNING STACK AqQUEEN.
Mommy: Lightning McQueen.
A: What is your favorite musical instrument?
B: Yeah, they’re so loud. Ding ding! Like that.
A: That’s such a good answer, Joey.
B: Thank you.
This is why I drink.
A: What is your favorite book to read?
B: When I go to sleep, I close my eyes and the memories take me home.
Mommy: The memories take you home?
Squeaks: (in background) it’s a song that he likes.
We are raising Gaelic Storm groupies.
A: What is your favorite song, Joey?
B: My lullaby.
A: The Go, Joey, Go one?
Oh my baby.
A: What is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?
B: (long pause) Run around in the grass like a circle.
Funny, it’s Mommy’s least favorite thing to do.
A: What do you like to do when Daddy is around?
B: My sister and I want to play with my mommy.
Score one for mommy.
Mommy: But what do you like to play with Daddy?
B: I like playing with Daddy with swing balls. You know dat? You kick da ball and you throw it to people on da nudder side. To two people.
A: Very fun.
B: Ask me questions.
We begin to enjoy fame.
A: Joey, what do you want to be when you grow up?
B: A rock star.
A: Joey, do you like going to church on Sundays?
Mommy: (gasps) You love church!
A: I don’t think that’s true.
We try desperately to save the situation.
B: (sounds of uncontrollable laughter)
He know he bad.
A: What do you like about church?
B: Playing with Nate outside.
Real presence? No? Just playing with our friends? Okay whatever.
A: How old are you going to be?
A: That’s pretty old, right?
B: Yeah. Pre-tty old.
Almost ready for social security.
A: One more question. What was your favorite thing that you did this year? Mommy can help you think of something.
B: My swimming lessons! I go underwater.
A: Did you meet anybody at swimming lessons?
B: I meet that girl.
A: There was a girl?
B: The girl. She so pretty.
Mommy: Tell us about the pretty girl.
B: She has two eyes.
A good place to start.